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Sunday, 20 January 2013

Graphic Description - Upon Horsell Common

His skin began to prickle with a neat intensity, every inch of his body tingled at once. The skin on his belly where the beam had punctured, ruptured and split, spewing forth his steaming fluids. Elsewhere on his now crippled body, blood blossomed to the surface creating patches of brilliant red against the white of his shirt. He collapsed and as he did so splattered the surrounding common with his entrails. His innards boiled as they streamed out from the gaping chasm in his gut; sizzling and frothing.

His very life poured from him, leaving him pale, almost white. He uttered a gut-wrenching cry before what skin he had left cracked and shrivelled, arid and dry. Still cooking, he lay, now completely white, wheezing as gases escaped the dried husk of his body.

Finally, he was still. Desiccated, blanched white in the red dust, stained by his blood, all around him. Eyes sunken into his skull, for it was just a skull now. Lifeless and barren upon Horsell Common
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2 comments:

  1. Finn,
    This is utterly superb: well done! You have really taken the bit by the teeth and murdered the description here. I love it! It really is (mostly) faultless. In the second sentence I would have made this clause the embedded clause: belly, where the beam had punctured,
    'blossomed' is such a fantastic word to use as it is so incongrous to what is happening! I might also have made 'and as he did so' an embedded clause and arguable some added detail is needed for 'sizzling and frothing' as you couldn't have this as a main clause.
    Well done - I'm going to have to get to work on a postcard I think.
    Mr Stirrup

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  2. Stop showing us up, Finn! This is brilliant!

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