His skin began to prickle with neat intensity, every inch of his body tingled at once. The elegance of the blissfully-bright rays seeped through the remains of my withered emotions; silenced screams and pulsating movements from terror. As the wind began to enrole a surrendering whistle, my emotions spiralled into a depressed dream; I assumed that terror had persuaded me to freeze and proceed to the heights of heaven however my human instincts kicked in therefore I staggered towards the unharmed fishermen’s pub and seized with intensity.
The hallucinogenic rays ruptured through the pubs roof and obliterated the greasy skin on my left forearm. My white, silk top absorbed a substantial amount of this violet tampered blood; distant screeches began to alert my ears and my breathing became heavy and impatient. As I adjusted the position of my wounded arm, a signal from one of the foul beasts sent me into a powerful shock; my ligaments froze with a devastating effect. The creatures breathing was frantic and tormented; then he entered the barn and slivered towards me with the extra-terrestrial weapon in his foreign claws; he raised it up to my fore head, a sharp pain then silence. Darkness.
dis is da bomb fo sho
ReplyDeleteAha, finally an Alderdice contribution.
ReplyDeleteIs this a main clause? 'silenced screams and pulsating movements from terror' - if not then the simi-colon has been mis-used. Now it was quite common for Victorian writers to misuse semi-colons, but we are not Victorians.
Great use of vocabulary, but the narrative seems to lurch around Ed. For example the fisherman's pub, come from nowhere.
The single word sentence works well at the end and the other semi-colons are used correctly with the exception of the last two.
You have a clear idea of what is happening, which is good, but think about your reader...will they follow you?