As I looked at the rotating mirror device, I almost sensed what was to come. I began to turn and run, but before I knew it, my skin was tingling with such intense heat, unlike anything I had ever felt before. I toppled to the ground, confused and in pain. My cells began constricting with the heat. My body was defying what my brain was telling it to do.
My blood rose to the surface of my skin, turning my skin bright red. My legs were screaming with pain at me, and the rest of my body was just the same. The pain burned through my clothes, and turned my outer cells to cinders. My skin itself began to rip and shrivel, and my organs boiled inside me. My muscles seized up. There was nothing more I could do. I felt my appendages being incinerated, and my blood boil. I attempted to close my eyes, only finding that my eyelids themselves had been destroyed by this death. My remaining organs turned to dust. I allowed myself to fall to the mercy of death.
My blood rose to the surface of my skin, turning my skin bright red. My legs were screaming with pain at me, and the rest of my body was just the same. The pain burned through my clothes, and turned my outer cells to cinders. My skin itself began to rip and shrivel, and my organs boiled inside me. My muscles seized up. There was nothing more I could do. I felt my appendages being incinerated, and my blood boil. I attempted to close my eyes, only finding that my eyelids themselves had been destroyed by this death. My remaining organs turned to dust. I allowed myself to fall to the mercy of death.
Fail for him.
ReplyDeleteBut seriously though well done, it's very good.
Good first paragraph - do you want to connect the second sentence and first clause of the following sentence? It feels like they need to be joined.
ReplyDeleteLove 'cinders' and 'rip and shrivel' is a great combination too! The short sentences that directly follow are well-timed as well. Not happy though with 'being' - I don't think you need it. Is there too much repetition of 'death' as an image? I'm really only looking at the final use of it.
Although a little on the short side, I really like this and is very promising!