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Tuesday, 5 February 2013

Graphic Description


My grotesque story

Slowly, his body withered and crippled in response to the heat-ray. He released a moan of intense agony that pierced through the air. The flame burned from inside out. It felt like an eternity as the heat writhed it’s poisonous claws around its heart. His spine. His soul. Beads of sweat evaporated instantly once released. Fumes of darkness and shadow escaped every crevice of his body. Embers in the hundreds furiously fluttered out of his gaping mouth in alliance with screams of anguish. His eyes drew dark and emotionless as the life was drained from them. Thick pulsating veins consumed them, deteriorating his vision. His skin crackled and drew translucent and thin as paper. Tears of solitude and distraught ravished their way through his dry thin lids, emerging without warning, they glistened in the rage of the flame around him. Alone, he began to reminisce of the life he lived. However, not even the flame that had already taken so much granted him this one last hope: peace from dying. With one last swift movement the flames, without struggle, obliterated his body, or what was left of it, resulting in an explosion of a thick, dense plume of ash and dust that darted in every direction.

Carried by the wind, the plume left no record that his body was once here, wiping him out of existence. The only thing left that labelled his life was a single tear. A tear that now held a man’s dreams, hopes, joy and freedom. This, untainted being was the only thing that marked his life.

Soon, similar beings were being harvested in the same spot. The flames took their pure souls also and only the tears of them were left. The atmosphere was alight with glowing clouds of dust. No, not dust, but the thin flakes left of the petrified bodies. 

6 comments:

  1. Is this story grotesque or groteskew? ;)

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  2. As said in class, this is great Joe. Fantastic use of imagery and desciption. You need to check your apostrophe use in "it's" and this whole idea of the 'tear' confuses me just because it seems out of place. The idea is very beautiful but I struggle to see how it fits, especially as the body has been destroyed. Also why do you call the other umans 'similar beings'?
    Great use of language - you absolutely, positively MUST keep this up!
    One last criticism: not sure about the 'However' - is it needed?

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    Replies
    1. Not actually that i like the tear thing myself to be honest. I normally use other words if i fell i used the same word to much like if I use although allot i'll change it to whereas or however. I guess I thought I was using the word human too much, so i changed it. My bad.

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