His skin began to prickle with a neat intensity, every inch of his body tingled at once. The heat permeated his body with an unspeakable severity. He could feel his blood boil and brood, perhaps curdle, beneath the flesh which encased his bones, now seizing and shaking. He let out no audible sound his eyes, however, grew bulbous and pulsated in a clumsy, random expression of fear. His hands convulsed and the convulsion became less. Flesh tore from his body, ripping from the very marrow-filled scaffold he was comprised of. His body flickered from side to side. His mouth dried; his lips drew into his mouth, as though a vacuum was installed in his throat.
His corrupted and broken body lay limp. Lain on the shallow grass, waning red puddles formed over his lose epidermis. Blood seeped from his hollow, soundless ear canals and the blood, which had risen to the surface, writhed and trickled, unsettling and cold, down his brow and lay in the furrows momentarily. Then, as if he were nothing more than a burnt log settled in a grate, his charred embers fell to the ground. Ashes- nothing more- in a small heap. The ashes danced across the Common and disappeared into the thick soupy darkness of the sky.
His corrupted and broken body lay limp. Lain on the shallow grass, waning red puddles formed over his lose epidermis. Blood seeped from his hollow, soundless ear canals and the blood, which had risen to the surface, writhed and trickled, unsettling and cold, down his brow and lay in the furrows momentarily. Then, as if he were nothing more than a burnt log settled in a grate, his charred embers fell to the ground. Ashes- nothing more- in a small heap. The ashes danced across the Common and disappeared into the thick soupy darkness of the sky.
This is great Katie, you've added to some of the superb work already gone before. What do you think of 'curdle'? I wasn't sure about 'perhaps curdle' as it seemed too introspective which might be out of place given the 'severity' of the subject.
ReplyDelete'He let out no audible sound, his eyes, however, grew..' note the added comma - can you see why you have to modify the clause?
Not sure about vacuum...
I love the imagery of the ashes dancing across the common and you used 'soupy darkness' - great!
Well done - I'm really hopeful for your assessment :)
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ReplyDeleteTHIS IS GREAT MY SCOTTISH BRETHRIN
ReplyDeleteMany thanks, my equally Scottish friend
ReplyDelete