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Tuesday, 5 February 2013

Graphic writing


His skin began to prickle with a neat intensity; every inch of his body tingled at once, and began to vibrate under the heat of the ray that had just struck him down. Every cell in his body began to mutate, like it was on fire. His body began short spasms, blood ran to the thin layer of skin just below the surface blotches of red began appearing all over his pale skin. It was like little islands in a vast ocean of nothingness. Where the ray had pierced his skin it began to crumble, dust particles were blowing away in the gentle breeze. He crumpled to the floor in a mass of limbs and he began writhing in pain as the heat ray ate him up from the inside out. Dust particles were now thickening the wind as more and more bodies crumpled and disintegrated, the floor was red with blood as it pored out of the crumpled heap. 
The next moment he stopped moving, the crumpled heap was no more than a sunken skull, the eye sockets were crumbling and all that was left of the eyes was little pupils the birds no longer wanted, the nose was slowly disintegrating just a cracked hole, the mouth was just a line in the sunken skull. All in all there was almost nothing left of this poor man, and many other people around him. Just then his skull burst into a heap of dust covering the blood splattered floor...      

1 comment:

  1. Hey! This is really good! The simile with the islands is lovely and vocabulary is very good.

    You need 'poured' rather than 'pored'.
    Not sure about these birds??? And too much use of the word 'just'.

    Overall very good response!

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