The stench of putrid flesh, vomit and blood hit his nose, causing him to wretch. his electrifying blue eyes gazed around the common and what he saw made his blood freeze with intense fear. Masses of dead, decaying bodies were piled up high, as if they weretin cans on a store shelf. Some of the rotten bodies' skin looked badly burnt. The skin it'self still bubbled and boiled and blood still oozed out the giant boils, landing with small splashes on the grey, gravel, ground.
He was so lost in thought of what happen. Questions swarmed his mind. Who did this? Why did they do it? So lost in fact, his mind hadn't registered the terrifying scream rip through the cold night air and pierce straight through to his feeble heart.
He quickly whipped his head round (so fast he thought his might be ripped clean of his shoulders) only to face to face with a young girl around the age nineteen. Her once blonde curls, now hung in red stained tangles down her petite frame. Her dark green eyes were filled with fright and she clutched at her slim, flat stomach.
"H-Help...me." She Stuttered out.
He looked at her in confusion. Help her? How could her help her? Was she injured?
Wait! Did she know what had happened here?
"Miss, do you what happened here?" he, asked taking her gently by the shoulders.
Just as she was about to answer, her body began to sway and she fell into his warm, yet slightly alarmed, embrace. Lowering her to the ground, he began to notice the sticky wet substance on his hand. Blood. She was bleeding. His eyes scanned down her body and what he sae made him throw up the contents in his stomach.
His body arched, as the sickly yellow bile left his body and landed before him in a pile of sick. Beads of sweat began to form upon his brow and he weerily wiped them away. His auborn hair feel acroos his face and he turned back towards the violently shaking girl.
The young girlwas still attempting to hold in her entrails that were seeping through her baby blue blouse and her fingers clutched at the ground. Just as another scream of pain left her lungs, he swiftly picked her up and held her to his quivering chest.
"What happened here? Who did this to you?" he desperatly asked again. He needed answers He needed them now!
Her face was now a plain white. Her once blood red lips were now a purple, blue colour and her green eyes, which were once filled with fear and pain, only held a dull look now. She fell limp in his arms and with one final breath, she gave her final warning.
"Run! They're Coming!"
He was so lost in thought of what happen. Questions swarmed his mind. Who did this? Why did they do it? So lost in fact, his mind hadn't registered the terrifying scream rip through the cold night air and pierce straight through to his feeble heart.
He quickly whipped his head round (so fast he thought his might be ripped clean of his shoulders) only to face to face with a young girl around the age nineteen. Her once blonde curls, now hung in red stained tangles down her petite frame. Her dark green eyes were filled with fright and she clutched at her slim, flat stomach.
"H-Help...me." She Stuttered out.
He looked at her in confusion. Help her? How could her help her? Was she injured?
Wait! Did she know what had happened here?
"Miss, do you what happened here?" he, asked taking her gently by the shoulders.
Just as she was about to answer, her body began to sway and she fell into his warm, yet slightly alarmed, embrace. Lowering her to the ground, he began to notice the sticky wet substance on his hand. Blood. She was bleeding. His eyes scanned down her body and what he sae made him throw up the contents in his stomach.
His body arched, as the sickly yellow bile left his body and landed before him in a pile of sick. Beads of sweat began to form upon his brow and he weerily wiped them away. His auborn hair feel acroos his face and he turned back towards the violently shaking girl.
The young girlwas still attempting to hold in her entrails that were seeping through her baby blue blouse and her fingers clutched at the ground. Just as another scream of pain left her lungs, he swiftly picked her up and held her to his quivering chest.
"What happened here? Who did this to you?" he desperatly asked again. He needed answers He needed them now!
Her face was now a plain white. Her once blood red lips were now a purple, blue colour and her green eyes, which were once filled with fear and pain, only held a dull look now. She fell limp in his arms and with one final breath, she gave her final warning.
"Run! They're Coming!"
Lovin the input of speech girl, damn!!!!
ReplyDeleteGood comment Joe - shame about the 'ing' clipping and overuse of exclamation marks. Tut, Tut. ;)
DeleteSorry sir, I was in text mode there, or should I say soz?
DeleteRight Libby,
ReplyDeleteFirst paragraph there are some basic mistakes, possibly typos. I love the description though and the use of alliteration in the final sentence.
Second paragraph - look at the first sentence. Of and off are spelt differently. I like the introduction of the little girl and use of 'petite' - very nice.
"Miss, do you what happened here?" he, asked taking her gently by the shoulders CHECK THE COMMA and capital letter!
'slightly' doesn't do you any favours - either replace it or remove it so it's less vague.
'Blood. She was bleeding.' The short sentences here really work well and add to the suspense.
Great use of sequencing - the suspense builds steadily and the use of speech is secure (just check capital letters as a question mark is a demarcation - meaning an end stop). I love the title and how we arrive at it in your story. This gives me a lot of reassurance for your assessment! Well done.